I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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