So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
