I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
