We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
