and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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