Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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