yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
