You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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