Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
