Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
