I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
