Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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