I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
