if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
