that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
