its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize