Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
