i was born a porn star she said
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
