Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
