I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
