new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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