i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
