I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
