I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
