I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize