If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm just crazy horny about you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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