you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
