Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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