Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
