I think my fart just growled at me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Pooping to opera.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
