My sheets look like a crime scene.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
