a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize