I'm drive I can fine osifer
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
