There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
