Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
