I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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