a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
