16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize