Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
