I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize