living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
