Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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