sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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