im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
