isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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