so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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