We named our party play list daddy issues
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
