he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
