new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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