I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
