When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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