I puked a lego.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
