walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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