Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize