Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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