I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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