def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
