she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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