I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
