If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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