No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
