I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
