After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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