I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
