Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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