he shaved USA in his pubs
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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