the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
