His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
