I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
