I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I understand Curling. That high.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
