I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
