4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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