Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize