u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
