omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
