remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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