Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
this is an emotional support booty call
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
