I skipped work to stalk him.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
