Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
