As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
