i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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