Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
