we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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