So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize