What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he thought i was a dude.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
