help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
