so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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