You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
