I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
