There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
