absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
