You're my little dorito
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
