I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
