we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Never underestimate the power of titties
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
