All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize