but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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