I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
