I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize