I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
