does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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