Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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