In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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