I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
