i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
