Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
