Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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