No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
