So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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