yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
