So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
